Changeology
The Changeology podcast explores the art, science, psychology, and philosophy behind making big, bold, badass life changes.
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Changeology
Pocket Change: Dealing with Naysayers
In this episode of Pocket Change—the bite-sized series of the Changeology podcast—I tackle one of the most insidious forms of resistance to personal growth: the naysayer.
You know the type. You're fired up about a new job opportunity, a creative leap, or a major life change... and someone close to you responds with doubt, concern, or thinly veiled criticism. Even if it's well-meaning, it stings…and it can completely derail your momentum.
This solo episode unpacks why people naysay (yep, we’re making that a verb), how to spot what’s really going on beneath their concern, and how to decide whether to consider their input—or whether to ignore it completely. Whether you’re navigating a new goal or finally giving voice to a long-held dream, this one’s a (short!) must-listen.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
🌟 Why naysayers' doubts can hit harder than you'd expect—even when you trust yourself
🌟 Four practical strategies to protect your energy and keep your momentum
🌟 How to spot the difference between valid caution and someone else's fear masquerading as advice
🌟 A subtle but powerful script for redirecting unwanted opinions before they sabotage your change
The REAL Change Kickstart is a 45-day 1:1 coaching intensive designed to help you:
- Identify the behaviors keeping you stuck
- Unlearn what is no longer serving you
- Create new patterns that align with what you truly want
Interested in longer-term support for making a significant change? You can apply to work with Meg here.
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Welcome to Pocket Change, the quick bite-sized segment of the Change Ology podcast, where small insights build big impact, just like the spare coins jangling around in your pocket. The ideas in these short, lightweight episodes might seem modest at first, but keep collecting them and before you know it, they compound into something truly invaluable.
Imagine this. You're so excited because you found a job listing for a position that would be perfect for you and for your skillset. The company's mission is super aligned with what you want to do for your career, and you're super excited to apply. It'll be a stretch for you, but it's also perfectly aligned for what you want that you feel like you have to try.
So you head home and you excitedly tell your partner or your mom or your best friend, whoever applies to you, and their reaction is not what you hoped it would be. In fact, they're actually pretty concerned that it's not a great idea for you to apply. They remind you that you actually don't meet all the qualifications mentioned in the job ad, and that if you do somehow manage to magically get the position, you'll probably be in over your head anyway.
You're totally shattered, but eh, they're right. You think, who are you to think that this was even possible for you? Has something like this ever happened to you before you made a big change? Did others' opinions deflate your confidence in your decision or even cause you to drop the idea of making a change altogether?
This happens all the time. You know, you share your hopes and dreams with your closest friends, with your family and confidants because you believe they have your best interests in mind. And most of the time they do. They wanna see you succeed, but they also wanna see you succeed without getting hurt first.
Right? So whether that hurt is disappointment or failure. Their well-meaning naysaying comes from a place of protection and concern, right? So sometimes though there could be something else going on when you get naysayers. So a common reason that people naysay and yes, I'm making that into a verb, is because they are reflecting on their own personal experience or the experience of someone close to them that experienced a negative outcome in a similar situation.
You know, when I tried that in 1960, it really didn't work out for me. You know, that kind of thing. It's one thing though, if someone shares their negative opinion about a change you want to make based on their own experience with something very similar, but it's entirely another when they share their quote experience and it's actually based on their very loose understanding of a similar situation they know of.
Right. So sometimes we can. Very confused in that line because it's really fuzzy. Right? So another thing that could be at play here though, is that the naysayer may not want you to make the change because of how it might affect them. When you make a big life change, by definition, it disrupts the status quo.
And if the naysayer was totally cool with the status quo to begin with, or maybe even benefited greatly from the status quo, they may not be thrilled that you're considering making a change to it, because that's going to change their world and it might not be easy for them, or it might be super uncomfortable for them after you make the change.
And I will say that this is not always a conscious process on the naysayers part. You know, maybe a spouse is naysaying a new, new job possibility because they are unconsciously uncomfortable with their spouse making more money than they do. Or maybe your best friend isn't super thrilled that your, you know, new woodcarving class interferes with your standing Thursday night, night out.
Things like that can influence consciously or subconsciously a naysayer's perspective. Maybe your social group isn't super supportive of your decision to go sober because you've been a part of the social drinking club for over a decade. It might even put into focus how much. They struggle with alcohol or how they want to change their relationship to it, and they may not be ready, they may not be interested, they may not be capable of changing it.
So again, naysay is not always conscious and it's not always intentional, but that doesn't mean that it isn't hurtful or damaging because your efforts can absolutely be derailed. By listening to naysayers. So how do you know when to heed the naysay? Right? As in, okay, maybe they've got some good points I need to consider, and when do you need to just totally ignore their advice?
Here are some tips to consider. Okay. Tip number one, decide how you feel about the decision to change something first, use that as your North Star. What you want is ultimately the most important thing here, right? It's your change, not what anyone else thinks of it. You want to stop drinking or you want to go after that job, or you want to submit a piece of artwork to a juried show and everybody thinks you're crazy.
How do you feel about it? If you're excited, awesome. Really focus and keep that excitement close. Protect it. If you're nervous, that's totally normal. It's a totally normal reaction to being on the cusp of really big change. And also know that hearing someone else say something to the effect of, oh, don't be nervous, does Jack shit when you're nervous.
Like there's not a. Less helpful comments to be made when you're nervous and if you're uncertain, as in you can't decide whether it's a good move for you or not. Enter tip number two. Be selective about who you share this information with. Let's say your sister resents her own life and she isn't typically super supportive of other people's ambitions.
Maybe don't ask her for her advice. Maybe don't tell her. Decide what you need from the person that you're sharing this information with. Is it support? Is it validation? Are you seeking permission? Or do you know whether you're seeking permission? Are you overly focusing on gathering as much data as possible before making a decision in an attempt to prevent yourself from making the wrong decision?
Once you've clarified what you need from this person, lead with that. I'm super excited to share this news with you, and I hope you'll be excited for me. This should let the other person know that you're not interested in receiving critical feedback right now, and most people will take that Hint, tip number three.
If you still get an naysayer, critically evaluate that person's experience and authority with regard to the matter at hand. Does this person have a ton of experience with this topic, or does this person like to talk about their neighbors? Okay. Has this person lived through something similar themselves, or are they reporting back an incomplete account of their neighbor's daughter-in-law's experience?
That actually has very little in common with your experience. Does this person have an insider perspective or authority with respect to your change? Right? So maybe the person you're talking to is on the hiring committee For that job, you want to apply for an opinion you should consider, although it does not have to stop you from doing what you want to do.
Okay? Tip number four, understand where the naysayer is coming from and what they might have to lose if you make a change. If you upset the status quo, how will it affect them? How might they feel about the status quo changing in a way that they didn't initiate and they can't control? Is there anything that might be subconsciously playing a part in their naysay opinion?
These are all things that you should consider. So in review, decide how you want to feel first and let that be your North Star. Be selective about whose advice you solicit or whom you tell. Critically evaluate a person's experience and authority before listening to anything they say. Especially if it's critical feedback.
Understand what the naysayer might have to lose consciously or not. All these tips should help you cut through the noise to determine whether you should actually listen to elements of what they have to say or whether you can just ignore the negativity and move on. So that's it for today's episode of Pocket Change, and I'll see you in the next one.