Is Coaching What You Actually Need Right Now?

Last week, a woman got on a Clarity Call with me and asked point blank: 

Can you help me? 

After listening to her describe her situation — complicated, layered, with several elements that fell well outside the coaching lane — my answer was: Yes... but not yet. Not because I couldn't help her, but because she needed a specific kind of support first, and skipping that step would have meant wasting her time, her money, and her energy on coaching that couldn't land. Referring her to other professionals was the right call. It's also what any coach worth hiring would do.

This episode is a guide to making one of the most important — and often midsunderstood — decisions you can make for yourself: whether to hire a coach, what kind of support you actually need, and how to tell the difference between a coach who will change your life and one who will quietly waste your time.

You've probably already done the DIY version of whatever you're working on. The books, the podcasts, the advice from friends, the online rabbit holes. And maybe you're still stuck — or you're tired of being stuck alone. That's a common time to seek coaching.

But coaching isn't the right next step for everyone, and knowing how to identify what kind of support you actually need could save you thousands of dollars and months of spinning.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The two clearest signals that it's time to stop going it alone and invest in coaching support
• How to distinguish between coaching and therapy — and why a high-caliber coach will always tell you if you need the latter first
• Three questions to ask any coach before you hire them — and the red flags to watch for in their answers
• Why the monetary investment in coaching is often the first psychological vote you cast for yourself
• How to calculate what sitting on this decision has already cost you — in time, energy, and indecision

Coaching is not a transaction. It's a transformation. And the right coach, at the right time, for the right reasons, can change everything.

Changeology is a podcast about the real, messy, nonlinear process of personal change — hosted by Dr. Meg Trucano, developmental psychologist and life and career change coach.

Book a free 30-minute Clarity Call here to cut through the noise and bring next steps into focus: https://www.megtrucano.com/book-a-call

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For women who know something needs to change and are ready to stop circling the decision.

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Transcript

Welcome to another episode of Changeology. In today's episode, I'm going to discuss when to consider hiring a coach, and also when coaching might not be the right kind of support for what you need right now. And it's important to understand the distinction. Coaching is an investment of your money, of your time, of your energy, and you want to get the most from that investment.

Okay, so. The first question you should ask yourself when deciding whether to hire a coach is this, have I taken this as far as I can on my own? Many of the women that I work with in my practice are very self-motivated and they will do anything in their power to solve the problem on their own. They're used to being very self-sufficient and problem solvers, so naturally they are going to try and solve the problem themselves using.

You know, advice from friends or going online or investing in books or short courses or podcasts, right? And many times they get stuck here. And the reason is that the DIY method of change. Requires trial and error, right? You are doing everything by trial and error. It's just what somebody says, right? And it can't be tailored to your specific situation.

And it can get really frustrating to keep repeating the same mistakes again or to not be able to move forward. So if you have taken your DIY journey as far as you can yourself, but you're still stuck or you find yourself getting kind of excessively frustrated, that's a great time to seek coaching. That said, you do not have to DIY at first or wait until you get to the point of major frustration.

The second recommendation for when you should seek formal coaching can come before any of that happens, right? It can be the moment when you recognize that you need help to understand. Your situation clearly, or to create a plan to move forward through or past whatever you're going through. And I would especially consider coaching if your problem involves in grain behaviors or thought patterns, and it's really good to just get coaching from the first.

Okay, so now you have. Made that first decision. Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna seek coaching.you've decided that you want to have some kind of external support. The next step is to find out whether coaching is actually the best kind of support for you. And I want to ground this part of our discussion in a real life example.

So this past week I was on a clarity call with a woman who asked me point blank, can you help me if you're new to change ology or to my work? For context, I am a coach who specializes in helping people navigate periods of significant change, whatever that looks like for them, right? And very often. That work includes a lot of nuanced psychological work around concepts like identity and behavior change, things like that.

So on the call, this woman described her situation. It was complicated, very complicated, very nuanced, and her situation included several elements and moving pieces that fell well outside my wheelhouse as a coach. And after listening to her describe her situation, I concluded that she needed an entirely different kind of support.

She didn't need coaching. She needed some support to stabilize some elements of her life before coaching with me or with anybody else could be effective or make any sense whatsoever for her. She needed to work through some things with the therapist and so. Though I am a psychologist, I'm not that kind of psychologist and I've never been qualified or certified to do therapeutic work.

It's a very specific kind of support and I will always recommend my clients get therapy in addition to our work together. Right. It's just an excellent one. Two punch. Coaching and therapy are amazing partners, but they do different things. And so I told this woman that, yes, I absolutely can help you, but first.

You need this kind of help. You need to stabilize some other parts of your life before starting to coach with me or with anybody else. And so I recommended a therapist for her, and then I also sent her the information for another coach who specializes in the exact relationship situation she described.

This is the thing that fell outside of my wheelhouse. Now maybe you're thinking, well, why would you recommend another coach to someone who's asking if you can help? Here's, here's the upshot. When you are hiring a coach, a high caliber coach, which is the only kind of coach you should be considering working with a high caliber coach will always aim to get you the right kind of support for what you need.

Say that again, because it is so important. You should only be seeking out high quality coaches and they will always aim to get you the right kind of support for what you need. Sometimes that will include working directly with them in one of their offers. Other times what they offer is not a good fit for what you actually need right now.

This could include things like therapy. This could include,another coaching environment or someone who specializes in exactly your situation or has dealt with it many times before. Right.incidentally, if, if you are wondering whether a coach or a therapist might be the best route for you, you might need a therapist.

If you're having difficulty managing daily tasks or responsibilities that is therapy territory, or if you need expert help making sense of or processing traumatic events that have happened to you in the past. That's also therapy territory. Okay, so continuing in this conversation a little bit more about the high caliber coaches, and you can tell that this means a lot to me.

Why is it a marker of a high caliber coach that they might say, you need someone else or something else right now? And it's because you get your best results from coaching when you are all in. When you are emotionally and psychologically ready to do the work, and I, that's not to say that when you sign on with a coach or you know, get yourself into a situation, a context that, a support situation or context that you may not have had experience with before, sometimes that can be really nerve wracking and apprehension in that context.

Or nervousness, totally normal. That's different. But an excellent coach will be able to diagnose this situation and should have the integrity to refer you out if that's what you actually need. Okay. So let's say you are either already in therapy bonus points, or that therapy isn't something that you need right now.

You need to find the coach that is the best fit for you and for your situation. And when you are deciding on the best fit coach, my number one recommendation is to have a one-on-one conversation with them face to face virtual accounts if possible. This will give you a really good idea of what it's like to work with them.

Okay? It'll give you insight into their vibe, into the kinds of questions they ask, whether they're able to hold space for you, or whether they tend to, you know, dominate the conversation. And, you know, there's a distinction between a mentorship and a, and a coaching relationship. So. You want to make sure that you understand the distinction, that they know that they're falling in the mentor category or the coach category, right?

Most coaches. Have some kind of complimentary discovery call or something like that, right? Like my clarity calls, you know, which are really short, 30 minutes, and that is your opportunity as a potential client to ask questions. To ask about their process, to ask about the kind of support that you'll receive inside that, we call it a container offer, whatever it is.

So are you going to get Slack support? Are you gonna get Voxer support? Are you just gonna have the sessions? What does that look like?and you get to learn more about the outcomes of an offering. And all of this is super important as you determine whether a coach is a right fit for you. The second thing I really encourage you to pay close attention to is whether the coach can clearly articulate the outcomes of their offerings and what they promise.

Okay? So a coach should be able to very clearly articulate the outcomes that you could expect from working with them, and the process for how you will get there. Okay. And if they can't clearly articulate the outcomes or the process that will get you there, or if it's a bit kinda like hand wavy, that's a red flag.

Okay. That requires a little bit more sussing out. It doesn't, sometimes people are having an off day and they're not super articulate. I know it happens to me, but make sure that somewhere either on their online presence. In their material, in their content, or one-on-one. You understand how this person is going to help you get where you want to go.

The third thing I want you to consider when looking for a right fit coach is, is this person a professional? Ask them what they are doing to advance their practitioner knowledge. Experience. Experience that is the best way to determine whether someone that you're considering coaching with considers themselves a professional and holds themselves to a professional standard.

You know, a lot of times this kind of leads into a discussion around certifications, and I have many thoughts about coaching certifications, but you should know that certifications are still very unregulated in the coaching industry. And so they should absolutely not be the only thing you consider.

Okay? And I say this as a coach who is certified right? There is such a wide range of quality levels and, rigor levels and certifications that it, it really is sort of meaningless, right? But a certification plus, oh yeah, I'm actually in this, you know, continuing my education in thus and so way.

That's a great sign to me that this person is a professional. Okay. As a kind of a coach who is certified. I would much, much, much rather work with a coach who is actively attempting to refine their craft than just got a sort coaching certification and calls it a day, right? When they are actively attempting to get better, that means you get their absolute best.

They haven't been resting on their laurels. It wasn't a one and done, and they're thinking critically and consistently about how to best help clients like you. Okay? So there are a lot of people out there who call themselves coaches and they mean really well, and these people can also accidentally do an extraordinary amount of damage.

So please, please be careful, okay? There are also a lot of people out there who call themselves coaches that don't care at all about serving clients. It's all about the bottom line, okay? Those people, you wanna stay away from them, okay? Now, don't get me wrong. Coaching is a professional service, and good coaches should be paid accordingly, right?

You deserve an exceptional coach who is a professional and cares about their craft, and that exceptional coach should be paid fairly for their expertise, okay? But that should never override what is actually best for the client and as the potential clients. That is hard for you to suss out sometimes. So let's get into that part.

So once you've decided on the person who you'd like to be coaching you, and it's a good fit and the vibe is good and you feel really excited, maybe nervous, but also really excited to get started, here are a few other considerations to finish that decision making process. And I wanna start with the elephant in the room and that is the investment.

Okay. Coaching is an investment. It is not a transaction. You are not going to target paying them a certain amount of money and getting something physical back. You're not. It is a transformation. That is what you are paying an a professional expert to help you with. Okay. It's a monetary investment, yes, but it's also a time investment, an effort and an energy investment from you for yourself.

And really I can think of no more sacred way to say, yes, I matter to me than to invest in something like coaching or therapy in bettering your relationship with yourself, whatever modality you need, right? Investing your money is often the first psychological vote. Yes, for this is important to me. And as a coach, if someone is like, yes, I am ready, and I'm happy to make this monetary investment in myself and in my future, I know they're also going to be ready to do the psychological and emotional work involved.

The phrase, put your money where your mouth is, comes to mind here. It's important and. You should seek a coach who understands that sacred relationship. Okay?the other thing I wanna say about this is that you get what you put in to the coaching environment, okay? If you show up, ready and willing to do the work, you will get results.

And that's just, that's just the rule. If you show up, ready and willing to do the work and you put in that time and effort and energy, you will get results. You will also related to the monetary investment, there are a couple of patterns that I see pretty often and. The biggest is that as women, a lot of times we feel super guilty about spending quote unquote too much on ourselves, right?

It's, it can sometimes be seen as an indulgence or an extra or a nice to have, right? You know, the kids need camp, the house needs updates, right? You know, a lot of times people will say, well, I could spend that money elsewhere. Yeah, absolutely you could. Absolutely, you could. But again, I'd ask yourself, how long are other things besides my own wellbeing will get attended to before me?

You know how many other things, and if you don't put yourself first by getting the support and perspective that you need, okay, and put your goals and desires on your actual to-do list, not the nice to have list, no one's gonna do that for you, right? This is you putting a stake in the ground saying, no, I am investing in myself right now.

another consideration as you're kind of going through this whole process. Sometimes it isn't the right time to make the investment. Right. Sometimes it really isn't about the investment per se, but it's about the cash flow. We've all been there and that is okay. A good coach and the right coach for you will understand this and respect it and be ready when you are.

Right. Full stop. So some questions to ask yourself here when you're considering the investment, the cost element of the investment here is how often have you thought about what is bothering you or fantasized about the change that you want to make? How often does that happen? In the last year, how many times have you thought about this thing?

Within that, what has sitting on this decision cost you in that timeframe in the last year or so? What's it cost you in time, in your energy, in feeling bad, in regret or resentment in indecision? Right. Sitting with indecision is, is one of the most uncomfortable experiences, in my opinion. I hate indecision, right?

These are real costs. And the big, big, big Fi very final question to ask yourself is, does the cost of this burden that I am carrying that is costing me in time, energy, feeling bad, regret, indecision, does it exceed the cost of working with this coach? And that's really the question that you have to ask yourself.

Very. Finally, I want to say that as you're thinking about whether to hire a coach, some personal thoughts of mine, kind of as a coach, but also as someone who has hired many, many coaches for different things, some of whom I would not hire again, by the way, I, I just want to say that my life changed when I hired a coach.

She was able to reflect back to me elements of my reality that I had become completely blind to. She asked me questions that made me consider my situation from a much different perspective, a higher. More zoomed out perspective. Right. That literally changed my life for the better. So to summarize, ask yourself whether you've taken, working on the problem that you're experiencing as far as you can by yourself.

If you have, if you're done with that, then the question is, do you need coaching or is there another kind of support that might be more beneficial for you right now, such as therapy? Right. If coaching is the right modality for you, then find an exceptional coach that is the right fit for you and for the outcomes you want.

Book yourself a clarity call. Ask those questions, and a good coach will welcome that conversation. Finally, be reminded that coaching is an investment. Of your time, energy, effort, and money, and that it is something that could very well be the thing that changes your life forever. So I hope that this has been a helpful guide in when to hire a coach to help you with a problem or situation that you are experiencing.

Please feel free to reach out if you have other questions, but thank you so much for spending some time with me today on this episode of Change, and I will see you on the next one.